Sunday, December 05, 2010
In case you're wondering
My online mom’s group has been a big support to me over the last two years. And perhaps like you, they’ve been wondering how I’ve been doing lately. In particular have been curious about how we survived the move. Tonight I finally updated them and realized it felt good to document the story a bit. So for you too, a copy of my response to “Hey, how are you guys doing?”
Answer = Doing pretty well considering!
The move out was ridiculously hard and stressful, I'm not going to lie. Purging the house, putting it on the market, scrambling for showings, packing, coordinating and moving in 30 days was a joke. I don’t recommend it.
The hubby quit his job early to handle all the moving stuff while I started to wind down my client work, and ramp up for the new job. That ended up being awesome and hard all at the same time. Awesome because my husband kicks ass for the most part and plowed through his to dos, and really worked like a dog to make shit happen etc. Hard because I'm a type A and I had to bite my tongue left and right and try to trust him and not tell him what to do. F’ing hard. Which brings me to my next point - moving your family across the country (and in our case, switching our household/worker roles at the same time) will test your marriage like nuthin' else. Wooo doogie.
So here's what I learned about that - I'm really glad I bit my tongue and let go. There were a few flare ups here and there, and things definitely didn't get run with the brilliant efficiency I would have run them with (hahaha!), but you know what, the move went pretty damn well on the whole, and when we got here in one piece, he was pretty damn triumphant. Deservedly so. So good for us.
Ok, as I type, here's a good story I just thought of - So the night before the packers came I had a mini breakdown because I thought Justin would understand that we needed to be involved in the packing too and would allow for that during the packing process. Like we would be able to do some labeling and prioritizing certain boxes etc. He disagreed, and felt like there was only so much we could reasonably do, we were hiring guys and we needed to let go. ("You just need to let go" is not a good phrase for me in general, but certainly not during that kind of chaos, so you can imagine how that went. Hahahhaha.) Anyway, long story short, I had to let go. And the boxes all got packed and moved and when we got to the new house we realized all 32 of our kitchen boxes were labeled "kitchen". That was it. No way to know where the plates were, etc. Hahahaah. I thought about saying I told you so, but instead we managed to have a good laugh.
The kids have adjusted pretty well, although H hasn't consistently slept through the night since the move really and we've both been too tired to deal with CIO. In prep for the flight, Audrey was told that we were flying to California, and that soon after we arrived she would meet Santa so now every time she hears a plane, she'll look up and say, "The plane is going to California to visit Santa!" Ha.
The rental house is pretty crappy but we're less than a mile from the beach and have gone a lot. In fact, in our first week here (before I went to work) we went every morning, which was wonderful.
The job is great (it’s the reason we moved, so you’d hope so, right?) but I really miss working from home and it scares me how easily I fall back into working like a drone. The full time working mom guilt has set in too. I definitely miss them all day and feel like I won't know H the way I know A. A got so much more attention from me every day of her first two years.
I have no idea how I'm going to make time for myself, although two girlfriends/colleagues of mine took me out to lunch yesterday which was awesome on a lot of levels, but perhaps most importantly gave me a glimpse into the fact that I may be able to get a little girlfriend time in every once in a while. Maybe. Oh, and we saw Courtney Cox which was fun. (She's had some work done, that one. Yowza.)
The house in Oak Park sits empty. Our little surveys come back from viewings with feedback that it IS priced right, so I don't think we need to come down. It's just a terrible market. I'm crossing my fingers for a Christmas miracle renter because paying our mortgage and my rent and a new car payment is killing me.
Audrey isn’t in preschool yet either. The waiting list game out here is brutal and she is the worst age for it. Too young to just jump into a random empty spot and too old to actually get a decent spot on a waiting list. So I actually need two Christmas miracles.
On a bright note, Mr. Anderson is kicking ass at being a dad at home. He's great with the kids and has been all over the preschool thing. He's cooking dinner, and doing the grocery shopping with great gusto. He's got a baby group already and found classes for music and gym, etc.
Hmmmm... What else?
LA is like an old shoe for me. But not quite a comfy one, maybe? I've slipped back into everything very easily, and love it, but on occasion the old little blisters are rubbing up against the sides a bit. I love the weather, love being near my family, and my best friend, and I love the familiarity of the landscape and the great lifestyle. Hate the traffic and the douchebaggery. Hate the fact that while I was just carrying a little bit of extra weight in Oak Park, I'm downright fat here. And i hate the cost of housing.
But did I mention I live less than a mile from the beach? And we go there a lot? And I get to see my nephews?
Anyway, I'm definitely rambling at this point. My short answer is, we're good.
JA
PPS - It took 436 boxes to move us. OmG.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
The song Ms. A serenaded us with this evening...
Let's clap hello for vagina.
Let's clap hello for penis.
We're here to sing and clap and play.
So let's get started right away.
Hello
Hello
Hello
Huge News
1) Ms. A will be two this week.
2) Mr. Giggles is 6 months.
3) We have moved back to California
4) J is experimenting with a new bourbon.
Those of us who know us well are only be stunned by 4.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Feeling Good About Weaning
To say I had a difficult time breastfeeding Aud is an huge understatement. For her first six weeks we struggled to get a good latch, I didn't have much milk, it was physically really painful, she got the infamous stomach virus (that we later learned was probably thrush), then my mom died, and well... I just didn't have it in me to fight through it all.
With H though, things were a lot easier. I knew what I was doing more, he latched well, he put up with my low volume, and no thrush meant no crazy pain.
It still wasn't easy though. And I knew I wouldn't be able to do it for very long. So I gave myself a goal: just get to 12 weeks.
Well this week the big guy is 12 weeks. He got his last feeding yesterday and I'm celebrating the accomplishment. Check it out:
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Business Case for a Mother's Room
Of course I'd suddenly need to go on a business trip when Henry was teeny tiny. Of course.
So yeah, not long ago I hauled my hormonal post-partem butt out to LA for two days and faced something I've never had to deal with before: pumping breast milk at work.
Holy crap, what a pain in the ass.
And holy crap, do businesses *not get it.*
On the first day, not wanting to make a fuss (and, as an only-in-town-for-two-days-consultant, not really knowing anyone I could fuss to) I thought I could find a quiet room, sneak in, and do my business. So I took a lap around the office and looked for a room with a door that locked and found nothing. Instead I ended up ducking into the bathroom. But I had to do it a couple times during the day. This was problematic in a couple of ways: for one, the bathroom experience was just plain gross and awkward, and more importantly, it completely shut down my productivity. For a good 15-20 minutes I couldn't do anything except stand there (eeewwwh, I wasn't going to sit!) and pump.
My type A brain couldn't take it. Thanks to fancy pumping technology, if I had a decent set up, I could be checking email! I could be making phone calls! I could be WORKING.
So I went to my primary contact at the company (who happened to be the President) and I made my case. I explained that he was paying me by the hour, and when I had to duck away to the bathroom to pump he was losing time and money. If I had a room with a lock, and, even better - a computer, I could work while pumping. And doesn't he want that?
Once we got past the initial two minutes of awkwardness he actually listened, and get this -- seemed interested. We discussed the number of minutes it took and how many times a day I needed to do it, and then he asked me to guess how many women at the company were probably pumping in any given year. (With 60% of women breastfeeding these days, and much of his workforce in childbearing years, it was a decent amount.) You could see the numbers cranking away in his head.
There's a business case for everything, people.
They found me a room, and I worked and pumped. And I suspect (or at least hope) in the future other women at the company will now be encouraged to do the same thing.
By the way - hats off to you ladies who pump at work regularly. Warrior women, I tell you.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Friday, August 06, 2010
No wonder she was so tired.
I haven't posted much lately because I'm getting my ass kicked by this whole two-kids-while-working thing. Or, to be more specific, the toddler-and-newborn-while-working thing. I remind myself all the time that many women do it, and do it without help. Like my mom.
I wish she was here so I could call and tell her how much I understand now. And how thankful I am.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Healthy, Happy, and Huge
Henry Harlan Anderson
Born 5/22/10
5:23 am
10 lbs, 10 oz
23 inches
Yes, you read that right. 10 lbs, 10 oz. And yes, I delivered him the old fashioned way.
Yes, I'm OK.
His size is the fault of my lovely in-laws, the Anderson family. They're cursed blessed with giant, healthy babies.
He's named after his daddy's great grandfather, Henry, and his maternal family line, Harlan.
Those circles under my eyes are all thanks to bad genes on my side of the family. And an eleven hour labor that started at 4 pm the night before. If you think they're impressive in this pic, you should see them now.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
No baby
Me: not sleeping, not comfortable, worrying about how big this baby is getting, then feeling terrible because I should be grateful to have a big healthy baby boy.
Hubby: asking me, every time I grunt, cough, or move awkwardly, "What's going on? You OK?"
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
So I don't forget...
I'm overdue by 4 days.
This morning I woke up and had the passing thought that I've actually been pregnant 19 of the last 26 months.
Whew.
If you had bet me this would be the case three years ago, that I would take out 26 months of my life, in the prime of my career, to dedicate myself to breeding. I would have laughed at you in a completely impolite way. In a way that said, "you don't know anything about me do you?"
Yet, here I sit, about to have my second child in just over two years. And JHA and I have become four. And my perspective on work and life has shifted dramatically. And I'm awed that I'm so at peace with it.
I'm sure my mom's death has had a lot to do with my new outlook. (My transformation into motherhood will always be intertwined and colored heavily by the loss of my mother.) But on the whole, I'm stunned by how natural its all been. I see that my heart has held spaces for these babies this whole time.
What has *not* been natural and lovely is pregnancy. Hoooo no. I am just fine saying goodbye to the heartburn, the aching, the sleeplessness, the swollen feet, the stretching skin, the nausea, and the waddle. (Oh lord do I waddle.) And even though this second pregnancy has been quite tolerable compared to my first (pleasant even!) I just can't say I'm one of those girls who loves being "with child".
So as I say a not-so-fond farewell, I want to make sure I take stock of the things I've liked about pregnancy. Here's my list:
- The way my husband has treated me. And looks at me. And loves me. Despite the complainer and the whale I've become.
- The feeling of having the baby move. With Audball is was a lot more poking (which I'll admit I didn't love as much in the later months) but she was amazingly consistent. Nearly every morning I'd wake to her nudges and smile. With baby boy, he rolls peacefully and sweetly inside all the time. No poking, no jabbing. Just a happy reminder of what rollie pollie cuteness is to come.
- Eating. Ice cream. Milkshakes. Fries. Cake. Cookies. Potatoes. Yum. With Aud, I craved bourbon and carrot cake. With baby boy I've craved burgers. And more recently, root beer.
- When my husband sings to the belly.
- My hair is so strong and shiny.
- Smiles from strangers.
- Bigger boobs. (Although they never quite got to the level of "big" I was hoping for.)
- Connecting in quiet moments and talking to the baby one-on-one. There were moments in Denver when I was alone in the apartment and it would occur to me that, actually, I wasn't alone at all. That we were on a crazy journey together. And I'd settle into bed and rub the belly and just chat with her.
- Being in awe that I can actually do this. Especially with this pregnancy. Without the back pain, I'm much more aware of how incredible it is that I'm growing another beautiful human being *inside me* right now. Cell by cell.
- Ice cream. It's so great it warrants another bullet, don't you think?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
When it's this good, you don't want to jinx it.
I don't have a good excuse as to why I haven't been posting updates lately. It just got away from me, I guess.
It's been gnawing at me that I need to jump back on blogging. After all, I started this online journal because I wanted to document our journey as we started a new life here in Chicago together -- and, well, it doesn't get more momentous than having a baby. If there's anything you want to remember later, it's this, right?
So I'm here at 4:48 am the day before baby #2 is due thinking two things:
1) I'm nuts. It's FOUR FORTY EIGHT AM.
2) How the hell do I catch up?
Hmmmm.... No good answer for either of those questions, so I guess I'll just type...
- It's a BOY! It's fun to think we'll have one of each and get to experience all the magic of little girlhood *and* boyhood as they grow. It's also fun to think how Audrey will boss her little brother around. (We can already see she's got my gift for bossiness, and her daddy's stubborn instinct to figure out, and immediately conquer, any challenge in front of him. She's cursed.) We're hoping it will be good for him.
- Baby #2 was planned. We realize it may be a little nuts to have a two babies only 17 months apart (and that's 17 months only by a few days) but the opportunity I have right now to work from home while the babies are young is something we wanted to maximize while we could. Also, as my sweet and tactful husband likes to say, "we ain't gettin' any younger."
- Thanks to a furious spurt of nesting in the last few months the house is looking quite spiffy. We've stripped paint from the trim on the first floor and stained it to match the fireplace and kitchen woodwork. We've done some electrical work. We've painted. We've got some new furniture. We've hung blinds. It's actually starting to look like real people live here, full time. Not a construction crew that oddly leaves baby toys lying around. I'll post pics soon.
- Audrey is doing BEAUTIFULLY. I could go on and on about her, naturally, but I don't want to watch as your eyes roll to the back of your head. She's growing well, she's healthy, she's happy and she's smart. Soooo smart. Like, 'watch your back' smart. If we weren't so proud we'd be scared as all hell frankly.
- Work is going really well. I've signed another client and I actually managed to have my biggest billing month in my work-from-home history last month while I was 8 months pregnant. (That's always the way, right?) I'm tired, but mostly I'm grateful. This was the dream -- to work from home while the babies were little. And I'm making it happen. And that ain't nothing to sneeze at.
- The pregnancy is going really really well. (Another thing to be grateful for.) It's been generally so much easier than when I was pregnant with Audrey. The most monumental difference is that my back is holding up well. I keep telling my dear husband (ironically, usually between complaints about aches or swelling, or my general discomfort) that really, I had no idea how bad I was with Audrey until this baby. With her, I was always paranoid about hurting myself by moving the wrong way, or stressed out about pills or how to manage pain, or frankly, I was just trying to breathe, and walk and sleep without losing it. With this pregnancy, I've been able to enjoy the simple things, like... nesting, feeling the indescribably unique sensation of the baby rolling around, and eating yummy treats because I'm pregnant dammit. Luxuries I tell you. Luxuries.
More later.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Nothing, and everything
Here's how you know its been way too long since I posted:
12 months
13 months
14 months
I've been completely distracted and enchanted by her cuteness lately, and as she's hit toddlerhood it suddenly seems as if I have less and less time, so writing has hit the back burner. There's lots to talk about though. Including the fact that little Audball is going to be a big sister this May!
WHOA!
More later...
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