Me: not sleeping, not comfortable, worrying about how big this baby is getting, then feeling terrible because I should be grateful to have a big healthy baby boy.
Hubby: asking me, every time I grunt, cough, or move awkwardly, "What's going on? You OK?"
Thursday, May 20, 2010
No baby
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
So I don't forget...
I'm overdue by 4 days.
This morning I woke up and had the passing thought that I've actually been pregnant 19 of the last 26 months.
Whew.
If you had bet me this would be the case three years ago, that I would take out 26 months of my life, in the prime of my career, to dedicate myself to breeding. I would have laughed at you in a completely impolite way. In a way that said, "you don't know anything about me do you?"
Yet, here I sit, about to have my second child in just over two years. And JHA and I have become four. And my perspective on work and life has shifted dramatically. And I'm awed that I'm so at peace with it.
I'm sure my mom's death has had a lot to do with my new outlook. (My transformation into motherhood will always be intertwined and colored heavily by the loss of my mother.) But on the whole, I'm stunned by how natural its all been. I see that my heart has held spaces for these babies this whole time.
What has *not* been natural and lovely is pregnancy. Hoooo no. I am just fine saying goodbye to the heartburn, the aching, the sleeplessness, the swollen feet, the stretching skin, the nausea, and the waddle. (Oh lord do I waddle.) And even though this second pregnancy has been quite tolerable compared to my first (pleasant even!) I just can't say I'm one of those girls who loves being "with child".
So as I say a not-so-fond farewell, I want to make sure I take stock of the things I've liked about pregnancy. Here's my list:
- The way my husband has treated me. And looks at me. And loves me. Despite the complainer and the whale I've become.
- The feeling of having the baby move. With Audball is was a lot more poking (which I'll admit I didn't love as much in the later months) but she was amazingly consistent. Nearly every morning I'd wake to her nudges and smile. With baby boy, he rolls peacefully and sweetly inside all the time. No poking, no jabbing. Just a happy reminder of what rollie pollie cuteness is to come.
- Eating. Ice cream. Milkshakes. Fries. Cake. Cookies. Potatoes. Yum. With Aud, I craved bourbon and carrot cake. With baby boy I've craved burgers. And more recently, root beer.
- When my husband sings to the belly.
- My hair is so strong and shiny.
- Smiles from strangers.
- Bigger boobs. (Although they never quite got to the level of "big" I was hoping for.)
- Connecting in quiet moments and talking to the baby one-on-one. There were moments in Denver when I was alone in the apartment and it would occur to me that, actually, I wasn't alone at all. That we were on a crazy journey together. And I'd settle into bed and rub the belly and just chat with her.
- Being in awe that I can actually do this. Especially with this pregnancy. Without the back pain, I'm much more aware of how incredible it is that I'm growing another beautiful human being *inside me* right now. Cell by cell.
- Ice cream. It's so great it warrants another bullet, don't you think?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
When it's this good, you don't want to jinx it.
I don't have a good excuse as to why I haven't been posting updates lately. It just got away from me, I guess.
It's been gnawing at me that I need to jump back on blogging. After all, I started this online journal because I wanted to document our journey as we started a new life here in Chicago together -- and, well, it doesn't get more momentous than having a baby. If there's anything you want to remember later, it's this, right?
So I'm here at 4:48 am the day before baby #2 is due thinking two things:
1) I'm nuts. It's FOUR FORTY EIGHT AM.
2) How the hell do I catch up?
Hmmmm.... No good answer for either of those questions, so I guess I'll just type...
- It's a BOY! It's fun to think we'll have one of each and get to experience all the magic of little girlhood *and* boyhood as they grow. It's also fun to think how Audrey will boss her little brother around. (We can already see she's got my gift for bossiness, and her daddy's stubborn instinct to figure out, and immediately conquer, any challenge in front of him. She's cursed.) We're hoping it will be good for him.
- Baby #2 was planned. We realize it may be a little nuts to have a two babies only 17 months apart (and that's 17 months only by a few days) but the opportunity I have right now to work from home while the babies are young is something we wanted to maximize while we could. Also, as my sweet and tactful husband likes to say, "we ain't gettin' any younger."
- Thanks to a furious spurt of nesting in the last few months the house is looking quite spiffy. We've stripped paint from the trim on the first floor and stained it to match the fireplace and kitchen woodwork. We've done some electrical work. We've painted. We've got some new furniture. We've hung blinds. It's actually starting to look like real people live here, full time. Not a construction crew that oddly leaves baby toys lying around. I'll post pics soon.
- Audrey is doing BEAUTIFULLY. I could go on and on about her, naturally, but I don't want to watch as your eyes roll to the back of your head. She's growing well, she's healthy, she's happy and she's smart. Soooo smart. Like, 'watch your back' smart. If we weren't so proud we'd be scared as all hell frankly.
- Work is going really well. I've signed another client and I actually managed to have my biggest billing month in my work-from-home history last month while I was 8 months pregnant. (That's always the way, right?) I'm tired, but mostly I'm grateful. This was the dream -- to work from home while the babies were little. And I'm making it happen. And that ain't nothing to sneeze at.
- The pregnancy is going really really well. (Another thing to be grateful for.) It's been generally so much easier than when I was pregnant with Audrey. The most monumental difference is that my back is holding up well. I keep telling my dear husband (ironically, usually between complaints about aches or swelling, or my general discomfort) that really, I had no idea how bad I was with Audrey until this baby. With her, I was always paranoid about hurting myself by moving the wrong way, or stressed out about pills or how to manage pain, or frankly, I was just trying to breathe, and walk and sleep without losing it. With this pregnancy, I've been able to enjoy the simple things, like... nesting, feeling the indescribably unique sensation of the baby rolling around, and eating yummy treats because I'm pregnant dammit. Luxuries I tell you. Luxuries.
More later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
